Already got asked if we're dating
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
