This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just high enough for therapy.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
