oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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