Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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