Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
