Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
