i permit you to call me
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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