K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
is wine microwaveable?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
