You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize