She announced her abortion via fbk
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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