Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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