my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize