He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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