I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize