There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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