$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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