I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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