I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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