If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
