dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
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I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
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He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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