You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
