i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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