At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
