All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
