Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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