I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
