Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
