I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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