The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
