there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ketchup is God's man juice
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
