my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
organizing the empties. That sober.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
