I can tuck mytits in my pants
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
