I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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