Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
