I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
