I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
