Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I supernannyed him into submission
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
