she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
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my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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