I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
