My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize