he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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