I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
