you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
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How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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