The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
