My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have already put on my inside pants.
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