4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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