regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
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My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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