Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
