Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
