let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
