I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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