awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
