My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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