she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
