Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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