you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize