I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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