can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
