some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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